save your applause, for the end of the show.

2008-03-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

apparently i wrote this in my journal on november 14, 2007:

my head has fallen from my neck,
onto the page.
from a distance i watch it sit there buzzing quietly from caffeine.
this doesn't trouble me. (would it?)
with your head off your shoulders, everything is fine.
life is far lighter. everything is frivilous, but nothing is.
with such a perspective, is your silly existence anything of weight?
si dicat, unus sonat?
when your head lays on the page, drooling thoughts in and out,
does any sound or idea exist?
or are they too levia things, ready to drift
away in only a moment to the nothingness that falls before us, and leave us
still in the question of existence?

2008-02-24T19:13:00.000-08:00

i can relate ridiculously well to this song:

the clasp broke at the disco Mom I'm sorry
& the older men who hit on Becky
nearly broke their necks on scattered pearls
& we searched the best we could
for two entire songs we knelt & felt along
the place where we had stood

but we only found 7 of Grandmother's pearls

& as we rode the bus home I thought surely
I'd wake up tomorrow just to find
that I had dreamed up everything
there'd still be pearls on a string
I wouldn't smell like smoke & I'd still
have the cash that I had spent on drinks

oh I feel as scattered as Grandmother's pearls

-casiotone for the painfully alone.

2008-02-18T22:33:00.000-08:00

hello friends,
pray for stephannie.
she makes stupid decisions.

2008-02-07T16:53:00.000-08:00

what i learned in college today:

aliens and robots are not exempt from the moral law of reason.

thank goodness.

2008-02-05T01:53:00.001-08:00

sometimes i decide to write my papers at two am.

sometimes i am an idiot.

2008-01-17T15:39:00.000-08:00

we are a useless generation,
obsessed with talking about change then getting drunk.

2008-01-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

reaaaaaaalize that the sun don't go down,
it's just an illusion caused by the world spinnin' round.

this has been on repeat in my head for the past three weeks.

law and order: kfc

2007-12-22T02:43:00.000-08:00

sorry, this is hilarious.

2007-12-16T13:37:00.001-08:00

i dreamt about tetris last night.
i thought this unhealthy. so i deleted it.
apparently, i didn't do a good job,
because i'm playing it right now.

2007-11-30T22:19:00.000-08:00

a man stands in red square with a crowd surrounding him, talking of our freedom to speak,
i pause,
but i walk by,
i'm busy listening to john lennon tell me of peace.

2007-11-28T22:25:00.000-08:00

sometimes nothing makes me happier than lifting my diet coke can and finding it more than half full.

2007-11-16T17:54:00.000-08:00

sigur ros always feels like home.
i don't know what he's saying,
but it feels like a place i should be.

2007-11-13T13:16:00.000-08:00

we'd burn like the morning
then break like your heart
fall in love without warning
just to fall back apart.

uno due tre

2007-11-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

2007-11-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

but have we forgotten to open our eyes?!

2007-09-25T00:09:00.000-07:00

it's been days. well, maybe weeks.
but, things've changed.
i'm living in an uncomfortably warm, brick building.
and i seem to have less and less time each day.
it's certainly enjoyable.
but, i find it odd how this is the point that, as kids, we look forward to,
when life never felt more full and real than when you were discovering the tiny little seeds on the back of the fern in your backyard.

2007-09-01T22:46:00.001-07:00

aesgkfltv;ygulyvjhvlytdudcul;lfu;dltctlydtlvktydykrxkyrdlyftufvbnr.

2007-08-18T13:19:00.000-07:00

and now..

hannah's gone too.

2007-08-07T21:28:00.000-07:00

natalie left today.

i sort of feel like falling apart. or maybe i already have.
she's been one of my best friends since i was eleven.
i don't really know what to do.

proverbs 3:5-6

2007-08-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight

i can't be reminded of this enough.

the neverending fight for consciousness part two.

2007-07-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

all i do is sleep. to the chants of a choir coming from our stereo. i fall into a chorus of a hundred people. all of us in a huge line on a completely dark stage with a well lit audience. i kick the hats off thoughts trying to enter my head. and just before the finale dreams of ridiculous (so!) and unreasonable wishes close the curtains.

but, every now and again, i hear something. a word or a song. and it provokes something much stranger. i miss a beat and the man comes on the stage. we dance and i learn a thousand things. my mind stretches to eternity. and we just keep on dancing. i fill the neverending space with every word i know, oh, but none of them fit. i catch the end of someone else's dress. i fall back. the music stops. my eyes refocus, then shut, as the curtains close once again.

2007-06-16T13:28:00.001-07:00

i don't know.
whenever i try to be honest,
i just sound like i'm complaining.

2007-06-11T22:03:00.000-07:00

i found these in an old yearbook right next to each other:

2007-06-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

hello.
how are you doing, anyway?
me? oh, i'm fine.
let's keep in touch.
sincerely,
stephannie.

2007-06-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends,
it never ends.

Jeff Tweedy's onto something.

2007-05-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

I want a good life
With a nose for things
A fresh wind and bright sky
To enjoy my suffering

A hole without a key
If I break my tongue
Speaking of tomorrow
How will it ever come?

All my lies are always wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new

I would like to salute
The ashes of American flags
And all the fallen leaves
Filling up shopping bags

heliocentric.

2007-05-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

wow.

that's all.

2007-05-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

my grandpa bought me a big chocolate cupcake today.
and then relentlessy made fun of me.

2007-05-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

i forget so easily
the things that matter so much!

2007-04-29T17:15:00.001-07:00

2007-04-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

the downside of working at a family restaurant #47:

high chairs, babies, and even the mere thought of spaghetti falling from the table.

2007-04-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

the center cannot hold.

2007-04-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

so, let me tell you,
i'm going to throw my cell phone into a river.
and you can all just write me letters.
just make sure, that if you want to hang out, you decide this a good amount of time in advance.

2007-04-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

where, oh death, is thy sting?

(in other words, WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?)

2007-03-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

college is too much money.
somebody somewhere in the tangled web of higher education must be earning just a wee bit more than they ought to.

arcade fire.

2007-03-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

My body is a cage
That keeps me from dancing with the one I love,
But my mind holds the key.

I'm standing on the stage
Of fear and self-doubt.
It's a hollow play,
But they'll clap anyway

My body is a cage
That keeps me from dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key.

Standing next to me.
My mind holds the key.

2007-03-10T11:14:00.001-08:00

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired!

2007-02-20T14:21:00.000-08:00

i'm going to write a book using the simplest words possible and start every sentence with he.
i'm sick of this intellectual nonsense.

2007-02-17T13:03:00.000-08:00

"The veselija has come down to them from a far-off time, and the meaning of it was that one might dwell within the cave and gaze upon the shadows, provided only that once in his lifetime he coul break his chains, and feel his wings, and behold the sun; provided that once in his lifetime he might testify to the fact that life, with all its cares and terrors, is no great thing after all, but merely a bubble upon the surface of a river, a thing that one may toss about and play with as a juggler tosses his golden balls, a thing that one may quaff like a goblet of rare red wine."
-upton sinclair.

2007-02-12T17:59:00.000-08:00

pineapple juice and i have an odd relationship.

i drink it all the time.
in fact, i love it.
from time to time, i even say, "hey, you know what? you really are my favorite."
but, what does he do?
he mutters thanks and then gives me a stomach ache,
and a head ache,
OVER and over again,

i could say, "pineapple, we're through,"
but we both know those words would be as meaningless as those sayings they put on the starbucks cups.

2007-01-13T22:34:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to complain,
but i'm growing weary of being cold.

2006-12-29T22:06:00.000-08:00

I had something to say, I swear.

2006-12-25T00:36:00.000-08:00

how silently, how silently,
the wondrous gift is given :]

2006-12-18T02:07:00.001-08:00

plus, i don't even think phil wickham is that attractive.

daniel johnston

2006-12-06T15:26:00.001-08:00

Listen up and I'll tell a story
About an artist growing old
Some would try for fame and glory
Others aren't so bold

2006-11-12T21:00:00.000-08:00

2006-11-05T22:52:00.000-08:00

stephannieanne: we are akward folk
viceiwillbreak: yes indeed.

2006-10-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

metronatural:
seattle's new slogan.

now, how does that make you feel?

2006-10-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

i'm going to start to only talk in alliterations.

2006-10-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

what new mystery is this?
the unquestionable is questioned but makes no reply!

2006-10-11T14:17:00.000-07:00

every night,
i lay in bed,
assembling poetry in my head, as if it were some sort of puzzle,
placed together just to be pulled apart.
waiting for a whisper in my ear,
reaching that blind insight,
always one movement away from ,,.

but sleep overcomes even the most promising metaphors.

in response to the skeleton that came through my doors.

2006-10-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

i look across the living room,
i see death rocking back and forth,
what an odd sight.

no,

2006-10-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

but, i prefer empty insight and the approval of men.

2006-09-24T14:45:00.000-07:00

i'm far, far away.

2006-01-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

Why burn poor and lonely?

Under a bowl, or under a lampshade,

or on the shelf beside the bed

where at night you lay turning like a door on its hinges

(first on your left side, then on your right side, then your left side again).

Why burn poor and lonely?

Tell all the stones we're gonna make a building.

We'll be cut into shape, and set into place

or if you'd rather be a window,

I'll gladly be the frame.

Reflecting any kind words,

we'll let in all the blame

(and ruin our reputation all the same)

So never mind our plan making.

We'll start living!

Anyway, aren't you unbearably sad?

Then why burn so poor and lonely?

i love mewithoutyou.

2006-01-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

7:30 classes are straight from the devil.

and don't you dare try arguing with me.

2005-12-28T11:11:00.000-08:00

meh.

2005-12-07T16:04:00.000-08:00

i just finished don't look back.
and it really made me wonder if the "path" i am supposedly following is the right one.
why am i following science?
or maybe i've already completely strayed off that course.
there are so many other things to consider.
i don't neccessarily believe that i think like a scientist.

art, writing.
boy, if only you could go after the things you enjoy rather than the things that actually get you somewhere.
perhaps, it's the other way around.
i don't know.
i honestly don't.

my insides are torn up and i couldn't even tell you why.
why do i feel so lost?
how is it that i understand other people so well,
when i can't even seem to understand myself?

don't ask me questions, because i am all out of answers.

2005-11-24T09:01:00.000-08:00

happy thanksgiving, guys.

2005-11-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

hello.
today, i, stephannie, went boarding.
oh! how can i describe the feeling i get when carving down an icy hill with a light layer of powder.
every summer i forget,
and every winter i am reminded.
it's extraordinary.
the mountains, the trees, and the white blanket of snow covering it all are beyond words!
this world is beautiful!

(i think i checked in a little early for the "appreciate everything around me" stage of life)

2005-11-05T20:39:00.000-08:00

you're clever.
thank you.
how's that working out for you?
what?
being clever.
great.

just some insight from stephannie the wise

2005-11-01T19:25:00.000-08:00

why do they call them moccasins instead of walkasins?

AH!

2005-10-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

i need sleep, guys!

i'm dying.

i'm dying.

i'm dying.

i'm dead.

2005-10-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

stephannie has a myspace again :[

spare me your castigation, oh public library system!

2005-10-22T00:35:00.000-07:00

my current library account:

Checked out 2
Overdue Items 1
Lost Items 1
Holds 1
Fines 1
Lost Charges
$ 17.98
Other Charges
$ .00
Total Charges
$ 17.98
Borrower status
Restricted

i have a perfect record for my whole bloody life
but then a library item is carelessly lost by a family member and BAM everything down the drain.
my "status" is very important to me.
i'm very depressed over this.

2005-10-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

can parallel lines cross?

2005-10-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

PSATs tomarrow!

eeeeee!

2005-10-10T17:07:00.000-07:00

hello friend(s).
this weekend has been grand.
i'm so glad God blessed me with a period of just relaxing and having fun.
i'm so thankful.

but unfortunately, school begins again tomarrow.

but then after only four short days, it's the weekend again!
yes!
the weekend is my reason for living.

2005-10-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday,
all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it look as though they're here to stay

oh i believe in yesturday.

2005-10-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

so running through a corn maze in darkness, cutting through the stalks, wondering around fog covered landscapes and scaring your friends is just too much fun.

i highly recommend it.

2005-09-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

AHH!

life is tough.

but over the past few days,

i have come to one conclusion:

there are definitely advantages to being institutionalized.

haha, i kid.
anyway today i am going to bed at nine.
because i am exhuasted and catching a cold.

BUT on wednesday is church and on thursday is bubble ta-ta-ta-tea :]

2005-09-19T18:13:00.000-07:00

stephannie deleted her myspace!
[with the support of amy.]

WOO freakin' HOO!

anyway, i had college today. it's pretty intimidating, but as long as i kiss good-bye to my social life, i'll do just fine :]

2005-09-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

hello kids.
how are [all of] you?
i have to tell you,
i went to an orientation today at the college,
and i am scared out OF MY MIND!
ahhhh.

on a different note,
some lady crashed into the front of my family's restaurant today and left a hole in the wall.
people these days.

2005-09-08T16:41:00.000-07:00

A question in your nerves is lit
Yet you know there is no answer fit to satisfy
Insure you not to quit
To keep it in your mind and not fergit
That it is not he or she or them or it
That you belong to.

bob dylan is my friend.

in case, you were wondering.

2005-09-05T22:51:00.000-07:00

ah this weekend has been so much fun. i really do love my friends. new and old.

on friday, i went to the bob dylan exhibit. and it was amazing.

on saturday, i went shopping with my wonderful grandfather.

on sunday, i went swing dancing. and i ate two waffles.

and today i went to bumbershoot and saw mudhoney. ah.

i hope all is well.

love.

2005-09-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

i'm eating ice cream straight out of the carton.

so shoot me.

2005-08-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

yesturday was a good day:
+going downtown
+spending hours at urban outfitters
+eating mexican food
+hanging out at the ellis home

i like summer.
why must it go?

2005-08-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

well, today i decided that if i were to be an interior designer, i would undoubtedly have to hang myself.

so there's one job off the ol' list. only 72308254872344 to go.

2005-08-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

today i have spent only 4 hours and counting by myself.

yet i am more bored and lonely than ever.

i don't get it, i used to enjoy being alone.

but lately, i have to be constantly surrounded by people.

i think i am afraid of my own thoughts.

i think i have gone insane.

drat.

2005-08-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

last night i fell asleep without nyquil.

ah. let's just bask in the moment.

2005-08-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

"HAHA! you can't talk, can you! You know why? Because you're PANTS!"
-hugh neutron

so true.

2005-08-11T23:40:00.000-07:00

two bowls of frosted mini wheats,
a small fry,
many bites of chicken strips and of an oreo blizzard,
two chalupas supreme,
three squares of pizza,
4 pieces of candy,
a slice of chocolate cake,
with ice cream of course,
maybe another piece of candy,
orange soda.

that was my day.

boy, do i feel great.

2005-08-10T23:43:00.000-07:00

so.

i am completely aware that nobody, and i mean nobody, is reading this blog.

but don't get me wrong, i simply do not care.

in fact, i enjoy the idea that it is just the computer, my thoughts, and i.

maybe some day in some distant town some poor sap will wander on to this blog and maybe JUST MAYBE give me so much as a "hm." or maybe an "eh?".

but you can never be too sure.

or maybe even as soon as tomarrow i will find that a close friend of mine has a blog on this exact same website.

if that were to happen, of course we would exchange links and then we would most likely begin to exchange comments almost regularly.

but of course, these are only assumptions.

love and/or hate.

2005-07-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

i'm down.

2005-07-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

Hello.

so i created a blog.

i am not really sure why.

i am not really sure about anything.

but that will change over time.

i am sure of it.

love to anyone who reads thise [which we all (as in me) know is nobody]

stephannie anne